I am obsessed with succeeding and knowledge, worried most about squandering this heightened awareness. I think this obsession of mine is born from my failure in other ways; failure in friendships, in adventure, in beauty. That’s why it hurts so much when I can’t succeed though learning because I often feel I have come up short everywhere else.
This thirst for knowledge raises a sort of drive inside of me that conquers all else. Often, I feel I’m not learning enough; that there are so many things I cannot grasp and it makes my heart ache with unfulfillment.
I’m letting go though.
Recently I’ve realized that learning is good, but my real goal is to do something- to be a citizen- to let my awareness and existence have an impact, not just take knowledge for myself. Because really, human knowledge is nothing without experience.
But , what is anything anyway? Our knowledge dies with our finite bodies if we don’t do anything good for the world with it.
(photos by ella jaz)